Love Is Never A Synonym For A Victim

When did you start thinking that love was a sacrifice? When did you start thinking that it is a constant battle with sweat and tears? And when did you start thinking that a relationship is moving forward based on effort? Love is not a synonym for suffering, and we need to get rid of it.

This way of thinking has made many people accept things in relationships, which when viewed from the outside, seem unthinkable.

These include daily quarrels that drain you and make you weak. It also includes signs of possession. This possession causes people to become objects instead of people.

All of this has become known as “suffering for love”, and many people today still believe that love is synonymous with effort, sacrifice and pain.

When love is something that requires sacrifice

When we believe that love is a victim, we fall into the cruel clutches of addiction. Then we do everything possible to keep up these walls that threaten to fall  at every turn.

Our partner is starting to be everything to us. Still, if we have to force ourselves to maintain a love, it may be better to let go.

And among these victims, we sometimes allow ourselves to be treated badly in the relationship. This can be a lack of respect, infidelity, or differences from the other person.

We lower ourselves, we let our self-esteem crash to the floor. And, all this is happening because we learned to trust love and to suffer for it.

Because we put love and arguing on the same level, this means suffering. But,  suffering does not make us happy. Thus we are in a vicious circle that we can not see an end to.

We sacrifice ourselves for a relationship. Giving 100% when the other person may not even give 15% is like digging our own grave.

In the end, there will be nothing left of us. We will have given everything, even things we do not have.  And it will all be for a false belief  about what love in a relationship means.

If it hurts, it’s not love

Silvia Congost is a psychologist who helps in cases of emotional addiction. She wrote a book called “Si Duele no es Amor” (if it hurts it is not love).

In this book, she covers several cases of suffering, desperation, and  giving everything for the other person.  In these cases, the problems start to make people down  and they cause their life to become a period of suffering.

When love begins to become a true victim, it is important that we evaluate the relationship we are in.

Maybe we are suffering because the other person is not treating us well. Or maybe it’s because we do not treat ourselves the way we should.

Whatever it is,  if the situation does not make us happy, it is important to turn it around  or leave it.

Love is respect.  It makes the other person better in every way. It is passion, happiness and joy. Love is generous, implies freedom, self-confidence, and allows us to grow.

If love does not have any of these qualities, it is something else. This includes whether it comes with suffering, pain, bitterness, and constant arguing. In these cases, it is not love.

Let’s open our eyes

Let us open our eyes to be able to enjoy all that good love has. And, this does not have to have anything to do with suffering, pain or pushing ourselves.

If it is love, it will not cause any stress. Things will happen by themselves without any need to force it. We also do not have to think about the consequences of giving of ourselves.

As we have said before, sometimes we give 100%. What if the other person only gives 15%? We will end up wounded. This happens because we get to the point where we are exhausted. In addition, the relationship will be ruined and guilt will arise.

Let us not confuse love with suffering. This means  the toxic conditions we plunge into that cause us to crash to the bottom.

We will not spend most of our lives going from one broken relationship to another broken relationship. This is because we have no idea what it means to love someone.

This is the moment to let it all flow. If we feel bad with someone, we see that something needs to change. Or maybe it’s time to end it.

Love should be enjoyed, with all the good in it. And let’s bring out the best version of ourselves.